March 1st, 2022: The Poop Game

Never did I think that I would be so thrilled to see my two Belgian Tervurens poop. It brings me elation and a sort of satisfaction that only dog owners would and could ever understand. It brings me great joy and relief. I am sure my dogs feel even better than I.

It’s 5:30 AM and I can barely see. I squint and rub the goop out of my eyes (there’s a ton of goop because I battle allergies). Did you know that I am severely allergic to dogs despite being the own of literally the least hypoallergenic dogs on the planet? My dogs shed so much that we have to have a vacuum on each floor of our DC row home. Tumbleweed in the form of dog hair clumps blow across our hardwood floors and gather nicely in the corners of our living room. Hair is all around me and my eyes do not thank me for it. Anyway, in their pursuit to poop, my dogs start to sniff. Typically they prefer pooping on a fertile patch of dirt with wood chips and an occasional bunch of myrtle. I keep saying “go potties.” It’s like a song on repeat; I can’t get it out of my head. Then, they find their sweet spot. It’s just right, just right to poop. I can see them backing up, turning in circles, and eventually squatting in their most vulnerable position. As I watch, I think to myself, now I can have a productive worry-free day at work. Their loving eyes look up at my signaling their trust in me. While they do their business, I must protect them like they protect me daily. When they’ve finished, Toro kicks up the dirt behind him, splattering me and the sidewalk with debris. I find it oddly satisfying as does he. Kira sits patiently waiting for her…SIZZLER. These sizzlers are bacon imitation treats that each dog receives following. They adore their sizzlers especially when I open a new package and their fresh and soft. I pop a treat in their mouths and on we go down the quiet street early in the morning. I forgot to mention, my fiance, TR is walking alongside me this entire time (this is our morning ritual, more about that to come later). He has one green bag of poop in hand and I the other.

Now, it is time for the “Poop Game!” We play this game every morning contingent upon the fact that both dogs poop before we reach the trashcan on 16th and R. Again, it is still dark, so vision is a challenge but the game must go on. Both of us stand about 12 feet away from the can. The objective of the game is to swing your bag of poop around like a helicopter and toss in into the can. It’s the urban version of a carnival game. Picking up poop during freezing tundra-like temperatures in the dead of morning is less than ideal, so what not make a game out of it? DING! And that is what we did. TR always goes first. He swings and he misses. I laugh and hope I can show him up and make it in the can. I swing and I miss. Bad omen, I typically think when I typically miss. To be honest, we never get the bags in the can. It’s once in a while, but we still do it and still have fun.

The “Poop Game” will live on as long as my dogs continue to poop. Who knew picking up poop could be so fun?