March 29th, 2019: Did I Ever Know You?

I saw you on Friday, but I knew you were coming days before. I tried really hard to not be there. I tried hard not to care. I told nobody else to care. I was the only who did care. I cared. I care. I am caring.

I saw you on Friday, but you weren’t there when I expected. Amidst the struggle and haze, I could feel your presence like an anvil weighing down on my heart and body. Out of my periphery I could see your black shirt and loose fitting jeans. You put those clothes on so casually, similar to the way you were reckless and flippant with my emotions.

I saw you on Friday, but you acted like nothing ever happened. It was an insignificant as waiting for a traffic light to turn or the sound of the toilet flushing. It meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. No fanfare. No celebration. What is more mundane than a Monday morning at work? Seeing you. You seeing me.

I saw you on Friday, but nothing changed. Zero contrition. Zero feelings. Just zero.

And now, we move forward. You’re going to be one more on inconsequential person that I could pass by on the streets. Our arms brushing against each other and not even knowing it…what was once is no more. Not even a memory. Not even a moment. 

Did I ever know you? I know the answer…

3 thoughts on “March 29th, 2019: Did I Ever Know You?

  1. Wow, so powerful. This line: “I cared. I care. I am caring.” So much emotion here, and so much vulnerability. Thank you for trusting us to read this piece. Peace to you.

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  2. This writing is so amazing. I love how you play with sort-of repetition and images. I wanted to pick out a favorite line to share, but there are too many for me to choose from. And every time I read this, there’s more craft that I notice. Thank you for sharing it.

    Like

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