March 18th, 2019: initial impression of church

If you know me, I am sure the first few words you would use to describe me are wallflower and demure. And if you know me, I am sure you’re rolling your eyes right now. I can feel the seismic wave of your eye roll sitting in my kitchen chair right now. However, the mentioned adjectives described my exact disposition for my first few classes at “Church” aka CrossFit Praxis, I was unlike myself. Aptly put, I was timid, shy, and had an overwhelming desire to become invisible at each class. I couldn’t have been more uncomfortable.

AMRAP, Metcom, Snatch, EMOM, Clean and Jerk…these words and bizarre acronyms were plastered everywhere. It was as if I were in a foreign country. Everyone spoke a different language. I was too nervous to speak up and remained quiet, while nodding my head as if I understood what was going on. I was in a constant state of Charlie Brown; the coach’s lips were moving but I couldn’t understand a single thing. All I heard was noise.

Then there was my corner. Oh god, I loved my corner. Each class I would sauntere to the left hand side of the room and cower. I did not want anyone to make eye contact or approach me. My brain was working so hard to make sense of every movement, and position that I had zero bandwidth left for social interaction. I couldn’t bare talking to anyone or letting them see me flail or even worse, fail. I just kept to myself, blocking out the world, insular. I did not feel like I was even part of the gym as I watched the regulars high-five one another and perform movements I couldn’t fathom. It was going to be a long road…why did I bother staying? Would I stay? What happens next?

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